


the great loves of Steve Rogers' life (minus a few)

by cettevieestbien



Series: drabbles. [23]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crushes, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, characters berating themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 16:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4186386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight people who loved Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the great loves of Steve Rogers' life (minus a few)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [heart eyes, steve rogers edition](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/122535) by sherloques. 



> my dad helped me write this.

Bucky didn't know. He seriously, actually, really just did not know.

How he hadn't known, he wasn't sure. But he just hadn't, and god, why did the big stuff only ever occur to him when he was about to die? Everything always came to him when he was about to kick the bucket.

He'd almost drowned as a kid. His big thing then was that he didn't have any friends besides his little sisters, and he couldn't just die completely friendless (his sisters really did not count). He'd met Steve the next day, and he'd thought he'd never been so lucky.

When he was a teenager, working a route, one of the mob's rejects had almost blown his head off. He'd realized that he liked boys, like he liked girls. (That didn't mean his eyes were opened to what he felt about Steve, it meant he just wanted to go on a date with one, and maybe... dance with them.)

When he was strapped to a table, an adult, a soldier, a prisoner, he realized his affections for Steve weren't normal for friends.

See, he'd been feeling the unknown since he was a child, when they met. He'd marked it down as something all friends felt about each other. Affection to the highest degree. Exasperation and utter irritability diluted by devotion. Undeniable loyalty, hearts-bursting-out-of-chests type feelings.

That wasn't normal for a mostly platonic friendship. (The mostly part spawned from a lifetime of touches that shouldn't have happened. Sleeping in the same bed year-round was not platonic, especially when they woke up curled around each other like octopuses. The excuse of winter, the excuse of illness, it didn't change what they were doing.)

When he was falling down a mountain, he realized he'd never told Steve. Steve had no idea. He was so oblivious, Steve, so no matter how obvious Bucky was, Steve probably didn't know. That feeling was worse than the pain in his arm, worse than the pain in his head.

He didn't want to believe it, that Steve would never know and Bucky would die without getting the chance to tell him. But he had to, and the realization hurt worse than his arm, and his head, and his heart.

And, well, there were no more realizations for a long time after that.

* * *

Howard was good at pretending, and it showed. He was a good liar, too, but it was all just pretending, okay? That's what it was. Pretending.

No, of course he wasn't attracted to men.

No, of course his obvious obsession of Steve Rogers wasn't about his looks, it was about the science aspects of his transformation. And yeah, it was about the fact that Steve could still be alive.

No, of course he was okay after Steve - his greatest experiment - went MIA.

Yes, of course Steve was alive.

Oh yeah, Howard was great at pretending.

Nobody even suspected, was the best part. Howard Stark was a womanizer, he was secure in his sexuality. He couldn't possibly love - or was it infatuation? They hadn't known each other very well, just enough to have a few conversations, really - Captain Steve Rogers.

He just couldn't possibly love him, right? He couldn't.

(Except, he did. He was over the moon, impossibly, completely, just so far in love with him. And how couldn't he? Wasn't everyone? Even his son idolized him. The whole nation did.)

* * *

Oh, Lorraine knew it wasn't love. It was a crush. It was like a sneeze, a wave of the hand. It wasn't going to stick, and she knew that.

But could you blame her?

Steve Rogers was a puppy dressed as a service dog. He saved about four-hundred men and didn't like touting egotistical comments about it.

And he was such a mook. He was so, so adorable. And endearing, good lord.

Plus, that torch he was carrying? Obvious as it was to just about everyone, he didn't see it in his own hand. His big hand, which pretty much everyone was fantasizing about.

She knows it won't go far - Agent Carter's going to snap him up, quick as she pleases - but one little kiss doesn't hurt, does it?

(She hears he gets shot at, just down the hall. Is it wrong that she giggles when she thinks about it?)

* * *

Peggy thought they could really go somewhere.

Her ideal spouse had to be witty, intuitive, capable and willing to put up with her job. She'd known that since she was growing up, known it since she was just a child. If they had any chance of keeping up with her, they'd have to be those things.

Steve was all of those things, and she knew it well. He  _could_  keep up with her.

The flag move was genius, if a little out of his place. And his Captain comment? Sarcastic served with a side of dry was the best kind of humor.

He seemed to be tuned into a few different signals - her own, Sergeant Barnes' and much more distantly, his own. But, despite the strain of it, he was well versed in them. He knew what who needed and when to give it to them.

And does she need to even explain capable? He led some of the best ops and the single most effective fight against Hydra to date. He kept his boys on their toes, and flirted with her her, all while winning a war.

He also let her be apart of the planning and a few of the battles. He was more than willing to put up with her job.

So she liked to think about the life they could have with each other, a lot. A kid or two (definitely two), good paying jobs, a nice house in the suburbs either in London or Brooklyn.

She gets to truly believe they will end up together - maybe James would be a hang on, but she wouldn't mind too much, since he was a looker.

You can understand that she's devastated when she looses the connection to Steve. She can imagine hearing him screaming in pain, and does, in her nightmares, for the rest of her life.

The first time she sees him after the prime of her life has happened and left her riddled with bullet holes in her memory, she cries. She's lived her whole life in the span of a blink to him.

He cries too, and she wonders what he could have possibly done to deserve his awful lot.

* * *

Coulson was aware it was just a fanboy infatuation.

Okay? He did. Really, he did, now stop mocking him, or risk getting disappeared, Agent.

(He knew it wasn't normal, alright? But it had started so innocent...)

When it started as a kid, his shrine was completely normal. (It was  _not_  a damn  _shrine_.) His childlike crush on the man had been okay and acceptable and cute, even.

When he got to adulthood and found his shrine basically had it's own room, he felt that it was kind of odd, to have a shrine for a dead person he wasn't related to and had never met.

That wasn't right, his charges like to say.  _That was just weird._

(Lots of his charges didn't last long as his charges.)

PHIL KNEW THAT. DAMN.

God, he hoped his charges weren't anywhere near him. That was his first thought after finding out Captain America was alive. The little assholes liked to goad him, and Phil was sure to have a screaming match. Didn't matter if he was usually a calm guy, he would scream at them.

Meeting him was a life changing event. Phil didn't realize how awkward it was until after. At the time, he'd been happy to be almost alone and completely level-toned.

But…. Yeah, AWKWARD.

I watched you while you were sleeping? What was wrong with him?

(Seriously what was wrong with him god could he have said anything worse anything more freaking stalker like really Phil what is wrong with you)

* * *

Sharon hadn't meant for it to happen.

Steve Rogers was her mission, who she watching to make sure he didn't kill himself. That was literally her job. It was highly inappropriate to gain a crush on him.

But he was so old fashioned, and awkward, and sweet. She couldn't help it. She didn't like it, either, no, but she couldn't help it.

It was uncomfortable, having a crush on her aunt's old love. Her aunt's old love who was on suicide watch.

Really, really uncomfortable, actually.

Sharon, as a result, mostly ignored him and tried not to take up his offers on hanging out. God, she couldn't survive those moments. She always had to say no.

He was so damned earnest, and took no for an answer. How was she supposed to decline his every invitation?

It was impossible! Really!

Gaaaaaah.

* * *

Sam was, in no way, surprised. A hot buff blond golden retriever two to three times his age running laps around him was seriously a turn on.

He's not gonna lie. He lost his breath way earlier than usual that day. He totally stopped earlier than any other day.

But seriously, Sam isn't really all that into guys, usually. Riley, yes, the guy he took to homecoming under the guise of friends, sure, but men in general? Not really.

Steve, though, is one of those people that anyone that can be attracted to people is attracted to. Not everyone, of course, but most people. Anyone attracted to men in any way.

His personality, his looks - his ass, like  _daaaaaaamn_  white boy - and his eyes. God, that's not even mentioning the humor, and his demeanor, and his  _ass_.

Good lord, he's the kind of guy you could take home to your parents. The kind that they'd love, and beg you to have kids with.

Plus, he was seriously cuddly, if you could persuade him into it. Sam didn't mind rewatching horrible eighties movies with him. The occasional chick flick and Supernatural marathon with Natasha was nice, too, because Steve was a romantic sap and liked chaos.

Nothing could be better, right?

Sam didn't think it would go much farther past friendship, but he had oogling rights.

And he was seriously going to cash in on them.

* * *

Natasha was not pleased.

Her damn team leader had - get this, Sam Winchester liked to say - compromised her. She was not easily compromised. She prided herself on not being compromised.

He didn't know, the oblivious, humble idiot. But he had, and Natasha was not okay with this.

She had lots of missions with him - because Fury felt like a matchmaker, maybe - and, at this point, they must've saved each other's lives seven thousand times. She owed him her life and she had somehow let him compromise her.

Was there something wrong with her? Should she get her head checked out? Was it something in her brain? Something she ate?

See, it all started with a mission where they had to stake out their target at a public pool.

Steve had seemed fine with her in just a one piece, and being in just swim trunks, but Natasha hadn't been fine. She'd been completely distracted by his chest, of all things. His chest, his abs, his legs...

Their target had been taken out eventually, but Steve had been the one to do it. Natasha had been too busy staring at her  _friend_ , her captain to notice their target trying to get away.

That wasn't okay with her. It had made her unable to work with James, she had almost ruined the friendship between her and Clint, and she wasn't willing to let this relationship go sour.

They both deserved the stable relationship between them, that gave them a friend and a confidant, and even a pick-me-up. Feelings would only ever undermine it and leave them on uneven ground.

She was unwilling to let that happen. With him, with herself, with anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I do more? Who?


End file.
